When Regret Chains You Down: How to Break Free

Feeling stuck in regret? Learn how to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, forgive yourself, and turn past mistakes into growth. Release yourself and live a better life.

Julie Fairhurst

5/8/20242 min read

We’ve all been there, lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, replaying that one moment, that one decision, that one word we wish we could take back. Regret is a sneaky thief. It doesn’t just sit quietly in the corner, it climbs onto your shoulders, whispering reminders of what you should have done differently, keeping you stuck in a loop of “what ifs” and “if onlys.”

But here’s the truth: regret is not a life sentence.

Why We Get Stuck in Regret

Regret locks us in because it tricks us into believing two lies:

That we could have known better.
That we are forever defined by our mistakes.

Neither is true. At the time, you made the best choice you could with the knowledge, tools, and emotional capacity you had. Hindsight is perfect—life is not.

The Cost of Staying Stuck

When you dwell in regret, you stop moving forward. It’s like pressing pause on your own growth. Instead of seeing the lesson, you see only the pain. Regret keeps you looking backward while life keeps calling you forward.

And here’s the hard pill to swallow: regret robs you of joy today. It makes you believe you are less deserving of happiness, peace, and self-love because of what happened yesterday.

Shifting From Regret to Growth

So how do you climb out of regret’s grip? You choose compassion over criticism. You choose progress over punishment.

Here are a few ways to begin:

Name the lesson. Instead of saying, “I ruined everything,” ask, “What did this teach me?”
Practice self-forgiveness. Speak to yourself the way you would comfort a friend—gentle, patient, kind.
Anchor in the present. Remind yourself: “That was then. This is now. I have the power to create something different today.”

The Poetic Truth

Regret is just proof you cared. Proof you had a heart, you took risks, you lived. It means you’re human—and being human is messy.

But you are not your mistakes. You are the person who learned from them.

If you’re stuck in regret, remember this: forward motion doesn’t come from perfect choices—it comes from choosing again. Every sunrise is another chance to write a different ending.

So unclench regret’s grip. Step into the now. And give yourself permission to live—fully, boldly, unapologetically.

3 Takeaways on Regret

Regret doesn’t define you—it teaches you.
Self-forgiveness is the bridge between pain and peace.
Today is always a new chance to choose differently.